Hrm. Wow. Life is weird. It makes me feel good that you think I'm a doer. I don't always feel like I am. I always feel like...I have these plans to do things that seem hard..move to Spain, move to Alaska, move back to Spain, go to grad school, etc. And they all seem really hard, but then, I do it, and afterwards, it seems like no big deal at all. Like anybody could do it. I mean, if I could do it, why couldn't everybody else? Of course, that's not true; not everyone could. Or, more importantly, not everyone would. And, I think you're having the same thought where you are. You're like, hey, yea, I'm living in Scotland, working, hanging out, it's easy, anyone could do it. But then, you talk to other people about it, and they're like WOW! That's so cool! You've experienced that, haven't you? I mean, I'm impressed with your being there. I'd kind of like to be there too, to try something new, instead of going back to the same thing.
I think a lot of people get trapped and conplacent in their life. They are comfortable, but not great, but don't want to rock the boat, because rocking the boat is scary. And..I don't know, I don't really have a suggestion for doing that. I'm scared to do it too. I'm nervous about going back to Spain. I'm nervous about finding a decent job, I'm worried about making friends again. Starting over again. It's hard to start over, but it seems like every time I do, I learn a lot of things. About myself, about how the world works, about other people. It's important to keep learning things. Especially during this period in our lives. The way I see it, this is the perfect period for our feeling this way. This is when we're SUPPOSED to be confused and be looking for direction and meaning in our lives. Why cut that short by finding a real job and settling down and stuff?
I always try to plan things way in the future. I get stressed out that is still really far away and that will, in the end, no doubt work itself out. But..a certain degree of planning is a good idea I think. Even if things work out differently than I expected, at least I feel like I had some control over the outcome.
So..I don't know what my advice would be. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff in my own life lately too. Like having the fundamental awareness that I am pretty much alone in this world, alone on this quest. I've been feeling really lonely lately...I hate the fact that I want a boyfriend, but, well, I do. I HATE that though because I pride myself on being completely self-sufficient and independent, but I feel really lonely these days and just want someone to hug. I just feel so unattractive and unlovable. Ugh. But that's a different story.
I guess my advice would be...don't worry about it too much, because we kind of have a license to fuck off right now, at least for a few more years. And..well, maybe you SHOULD try moving again, if you're feeling stuck and bored and unfulfilled. Course, I'm kind of biased saying that, becuase I want you to move to Spain and live with me!! :)